Self-worth vs self-confidence: Is there really a difference? Yes, and it’s an important one.
You might think, ”If I could just be more confident, I wouldn’t feel insecure anymore”
But confidence alone doesn’t solve insecurity. Many people confuse self-worth with self-confidence.
They’re not the same, and that confusion is why so many people chase confidence but still feel empty inside.
Here’s the truth: if you build confidence without addressing your self-worth, you’re only covering a deep wound with a bandage.
The real issue is usually self-worth. That’s why today I’ll focus on self-worth. We’ll cover confidence in more detail in the next post.
Self-worth vs self-confidence: Definitions
What is self-worth?
According to the APA (American Psychological Association), it’s the individual’s evaluation of themself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration.
Positive feelings of self-worth tend to be associated with a high degree of self-acceptance and self-esteem.
What is self-confidence?
According to APA, it is
1- self-assurance: trust in one’s abilities, capacities, and judgment. Because it is typically viewed as a positive attitude
2-a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task
The key characteristics
self-worth:
It’s your fundamental sense of value and worthiness.
Self-worth is internal and unconditional; you don’t need to prove it, earn it, or work for it.
It’s not tied to things like beauty, achievements, or possessions
You recognize that your value is constant, no matter what people think of you, whether you succeed or fail, or what your status is.
It’s stable. Your sense of worth doesn’t jump up and down every day, though trauma or abuse can damage it
Self-worth is about being. It answers questions like:
Do I deserve to take up space simply because I exist? Do I deserve to be here?
self-confidence:
It’s your belief in your abilities and skills to achieve goals.
It’s external and conditional; it grows out of practice, preparation, and experience.
Confidence is built and earned, unlike self-worth, which you’re born with.
It’s specific. You might feel confident in your career but insecure in your social life
It fluctuates. Confidence can rise or fall depending on recent events, successes, failures, or feedback.
Self-confidence is about doing. It answers questions like:
Am I prepared enough to handle this task?
Can I successfully do this?
Signs of low self-worth
- Constant negative self-talk
- Apologizing when you don’t need to
- Struggling to accept compliments
- Focusing on failures and dismissing successes
- Fearing failure because you think it means you are a failure
- Feeling like a fraud even when competent (imposter syndrome)
- People pleasing and saying yes when you want to say no
- Poor boundaries, neglecting your own needs
- Staying in toxic relationships because you think you don’t deserve better
- Struggling to make decisions without reassurance
- Comparing yourself to others and always feeling “less than.”
- Believing you’re only worthy if you’re beautiful, thin, or successful
Signs of high self-worth
- Accepting yourself, flaws and all, with compassion
- Receiving compliments without discomfort
- Trusting your own judgment
- Viewing failure as a lesson, not proof of your worth
- Setting boundaries without guilt
- Prioritizing self-care because you know you deserve it
- Trying new things without fear of failure
- Feeling secure in relationships without fear of abandonment
- Not tolerating disrespect
- Celebrating others’ success without feeling inadequate
Examples of self-worth
Low self-worth:
- “I don’t really matter.”
- “People probably just tolerate me.”
- “If someone rejects me, it means I’m not good enough.”
- “I have to earn love by proving myself.”
- “If I say no, they’ll think I’m rude.”
- “I should be grateful someone even noticed me.”
- “They’re probably out of my league.”
- “I’ll just take whatever’s available; I don’t need anything special.”
- “I don’t want to bother anyone. I’ll just stay quiet.”
- “My needs are not as important as everyone else’s.”
High self-worth:
- “I belong here just as much as anyone else.”
- “It’s okay to say no, I’m still a good person.”
- “I deserve opportunities that align with me, not just leftovers.”
- “I’m grateful they noticed me, but I also bring value.”
- “I am valuable just as I am.”
- “I deserve respect and kindness.”
- “Someone rejecting me doesn’t define me.”
- “My worth isn’t tied to achievements or other people’s approval.”
- “My needs matter too; I can speak up politely.”
- “Saying ‘no’ protects my energy, and that is valid.”
Why is it important to know the difference
If you confuse self-worth with self-confidence, you end up in a toxic cycle.
You’ll chase skills, goals, or appearance improvements to feel better
But because your worth is tied to external results, the relief is always temporary
Confidence alone can’t protect you from insecurity. Even confident people can feel deeply insecure if their self-worth isn’t solid
How to heal self-worth
Self Awareness
Ask: What do I tie my worth to? Looks? Success? Productivity?
Then ask: Where did I learn that? Often, the roots go back to childhood
For example, your worth is tied to your external looks, and you believe you are unworthy of love because you don’t look like the pretty girls who get attention and validation
Bridging beliefs
Bridging beliefs are like the middle steps between your limiting beliefs and the empowering ones
to go from I am unworthy to I am worthy will trigger your inner critic and feel unbelievable
the limiting belief ” I am unworthy”
Bridging beliefs :
- “I’m practicing seeing myself as enough, one small step at a time.“
- “ I’m allowed to exist exactly as I am.“
- “My worth might not depend on other people’s opinions as much as I thought.“
- “I’m open to the possibility that my worth is not defined by what I achieve.“
- “It’s possible that I am more worthy than I’ve realized.“
- “I don’t have to be perfect to have value.“
Pick one or two affirmations that feel believable, not forced, and repeat them. Over time, they weaken the older beliefs and prepare your mind for stronger affirmations
Inner child work
visualize your inner child and tell them what they needed to hear but didn’t
Validate that child
- “I love you just the way you are. You don’t need to do anything to earn love.”
- “You are enough, even if no one told you that before.“
- “I see how hard you’ve tried, and your effort matters, even if others didn’t notice.”
- “You are strong for surviving everything you went through.”
- “You have value even on days when you don’t feel it.“
- “It’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes don’t mean you are not good enough.”
- “No one has the right to make you feel small or unimportant.”
Practice self-respect
Self-respect is basically how much you value and honor yourself. It’s about recognizing your own worth and treating yourself in a way that shows you matter
Action reshapes beliefs. When you practice self-respect, your brain is collecting evidence that, after all, you are worthy
Each act of self-respect, big or small, will reinforce the new identity of someone worthy
1-Keep your promises
Self-respect grows when you trust yourself like you would trust your reliable friend
Example of small promises :
Take 3 deep breaths before checking your phone in the morning
Read 2 pages of a book each day
Review your to-do list and tick off at least 1 thing
Keep a promise so small you can’t fail, that’s how you build momentum
2- Take care of your needs
You can use the self-care pillars as a framework; it provides structure and ensures you are nurturing different areas of your life
So the self-care pillars are:
- Mental: Activities to keep your mind sharp and help you stay mentally healthy
- Physical: Take care of your body
- Emotional: It is an act of identifying and understanding, and learning how to sit with uncomfortable emotions
- Spiritual: Doing acts that nourish your soul and heart
- Social: Doing activities to deepen your relationships
- Recreational: Making time for hobbies, leisure, and activities you enjoy purely for the sake of joy and play
- Environmental: Create the type of environment to work for you
I know this might be overwhelming, but start small, one or two pillars at a time. Which pillar needs your care the most?
Here is a Pinterest board on self-care pillars
3-Live by your values
Align your actions with your morals
Ask yourself what they are. Take time to reflect and be patient
- If a miracle granted you 5 extra hours each week and $1,000 a month, no-strings attached, how would you choose to spend them? Be specific. (No, you can’t just save it or pay bills), This cuts through what you have to do and reveals what you truly want to do
- What is a consistent irritant in your life or work? (Think: a cluttered desk, constant interruptions, a friend who is always late). Now, ask: What value is being violated here? Our pet peeves are clues. Irritation at a messy space points to a value of Order or Peace. Annoyance at constant lateness points to Respect or Consideration. Your frustrations show you what you hold dear
- Imagine your future self, looking back on a life well lived. If you could be described by just one word, what would you want that word to be? This forces a powerful prioritization. That one word, be it Kind, Brave, Creative, or Free, is likely your non-negotiable value
4-Set boundaries
Boundaries are never about others; it’s about you
It is about protecting your peace
And here is a thing: if you are a chronic people pleaser, setting boundaries will make you feel aggressive, but don’t let that stop you
Setting boundaries at the beginning is much easier than trying to enforce them later on
More importantly, following through with your boundary by applying consequences is even more crucial than setting it
5-Environment
Don’t stay in spaces, relationships, or communities where you are constantly belittled
Or distance yourself if you live in a community where you can’t leave the house (especially in this economy ), or cut off your toxic parents, distance yourself as much as you can
Curate the content you watch
Be intentional about what you watch, read, and who you follow
6- Self-compassion
Remember, whatever you say to yourself, you say it also to your inner child
That child deserves understanding, grace, and kindness
Instead of criticizing yourself when you struggle, you pause and say, ”It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m still learning. I still deserve care.”
Reframe your thoughts
7- Lastly, patience
You have been carrying this belief for decades; it won’t go away in one night. It is a lifelong practice, not a race
Self-worth is the foundation; it is the internal knowing that you deserve love and respect simply because you exist
Self-confidence shows up in action, the inner trust, you can handle this