So a new quarter , a new season or a new year begins
It’s time to focus on our goals and finally become the best versions of ourselves .
We start a new routine , new diet , new workout , new courses , new habits with excitement and after two weeks ?three? Month ? We stop .
We get depressed ,we enter a slump , we get mad at ourselves for messing up …again , we think we have lost all the progress we have made over the past few months .
Enter the all or nothing mindset we watch a couple of motivating self help / David goggins videos .
We start again with a new routine , courses , and workout then stop again and start all over , we never reach our goals .
We wonder why can’t we be disciplined enough to stay consistent and focused ? well I am here to tell why ,and what to do about it
Why we don’t stay consistent
The motivational cliff
You know that surge of motivation, that emotional high when we get inspired and think this time is different.
You create new routine , download a new app , new journal , then dive in , you are consistent for the first week or two
Then life hits you , a bad day , a busy day , and you feel tired , and exhausted and that spark fades away.
The problem with motivation is that it is an emotion and emotions are temporary , they won’t last forever
The middle phase is when your goals are no longer sparkly and new , it turns into work.
That’s when your consistency crumbles if you only depend on motivation
Motivation is external and reactive , it usually happens when you watch a motivational video ,a self help video like prepare for 2026, glow up videos , how to make a vision board ( which I am guilty of watching too , I can’t help it )
It’s a source outside of you , when that emotional surge fades you stop and keep waiting for the next hit of inspiration before you can act
Motivation is there when things are easy and new and exciting (like in the first few weeks of committing to a new habit) , then when you hit a block , feel tired or bored it disappears.
How to work through it
Discipline
Let’s reframe discipline as self love since discipline sounds harsh and strict
Instead of thinking ‘’I have to be disciplined to do this’’ , lets say ‘’I am gonna do this because I love myself / my future self needs me / I respect myself’’ , let it come from a source of love not hate or force
This narrative will make it much easier and here is the thing self love is not this constant feeling of loving yourself ,
It is also a series of actions that you take , like committing to yourself and doing what you said you were going to do , not only you will be able to build discipline but you will also build this inner trust
Create micro habits
Make it so small that even on the tough days it is easy for you to do it , or to at least start because usually the starting point is the problem
You know the 2 minutes rule , after two minutes of doing the work you will feel like continuing the task and if you don’t , you will still have shown yourself effort even if it is only 2 minutes.
So instead of : “ I need to feel motivated for a one hour gym session “ try try: “I will go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for 5 minutes only. If I want to leave, I will.”
You will actually end up staying for that 1-hour session because then you will think: “Well, I am here, I might as well do more.”
Even if you don’t, you showed up for yourself, and that’s what matters.
Habit stacking
In the book atomic habit , james clear talks about habit stacking , to stack a new habit with an old one
Like “ I will write after I drink my cup of coffee” or “ after I brush my teeth I will journal”
The more you repeat it , the more it turns into a habit you won’t have to think or feel like doing it
Identity
Make It part of your identity , this is the most powerful shift , instead of being motivated to do the thing .
You do it because it is part of who you are , if one of your goals is to be a writer then ask your self what would a writer do ? write right .
You write not because you have to but because it is who you are , you are a writer
So you can structure your new habit like this “ every day after dinking my coffee I will write for 10 minutes “
Every time you do it , you prove to yourself that you are a writer and with repetition it turns into a habit
As time passes you will write not because you have to or are motivated but because this is who you are
Unrealistic expectation
The unrealistic high bar we set for ourselves , we have this fantasy , day dream that we will be able to master this skill / habit easily and quickly
But when we meet with reality it is nothing like what we thought
We meet the first block and everything we dreamed off shatters ( sorry but we aren’t the female lead of a fantasy novel going through her training arc and suddenly she is powerful and the only one who can defeat the villain after 3 months of training )
We tend to have this overnight success fantasy and underestimate the work behind the scene, we focus on the finished book , the dream body , successful business , dream life
That we forget the messy hard work it took to reach them , the discipline it takes to get that body , the research , production ,and marketing, all the trial and errors to get the business blooming , the first second and third drafts and much more, the editing phase , promotion to get that book out ,
We ignore the boring work it takes to get there , so after working for a few weeks or months on our goals and when we don’t see progress or immediate success , we think it is not working and we stop or we think our goals are hard to achieve because we underestimated how hard work it will actually take to achieve them
We tend to be perfectionists , we refuse to start anything new if it won’t be perfect the first time ,
The fear of producing something mediocre stops you from reaching where you want to be
How to work through it
Give yourself permission to suck
Give yourself permission to be a beginner , give yourself some grace .
I know this sounds easier than it is , but you will have to change the way you talk to yourself when you mess up .
Imagine a little child learning obviously the child will mess up multiple times, but does the child deserve to be punished or screamed at for making mistakes ?no , the same thing applies to you
Embrace this beginner phase, there is a difference between skill acquisition and habit formation .
Habit formation is about consistency , we want to first build that consistent foundation of you showing up even when not motivated
Skill acquisition means improvement , deliberate learning each practice.
The focus in this phase is on the habit formation , focus on showing up rather than getting better each time
Like that you will lower your expectations instead of “I must perfect this” it will be “I showed up”
Stop measuring yourself to experts
Sure, you can look up to experts and dream to be like them one day but you can’t compare yourself to them .
They are experts who have practiced 10000 times and have more experience , they were in the beginner phase too .
Everyone has to start somewhere so instead of measuring yourself against them , your only competition is yourself
Ask yourself ‘’did I do better than last time ?’’ ‘’ what did I learn ?’’
Remind yourself sometimes progress isn’t visible the whole time
Get ready for failure
Do some research , what kind of blocks will you face ? be prepared
You will hit a phase after the excitement goes away , it will be boring , frustrating , you will want to quit. maybe even regret starting
But this is filter phase it separates people who are serious from who are playing , your job is to persist.
All or nothing mindset
It is a curse truly, as someone who struggles with it
For the last two weeks everything has been perfect, you have been waking up 5 am , going to the gym , eating healthy meals , working on your project without missing a beat
And then as always life happens , you hang out with your friends , you eat pizza , you are tired from work you cant work on your project , you overslept woke up 1o instead of 5
For us with the all or nothing mindset , our brains read this is as failure , that we are undisciplined
We tend to think that this one time we messed up erased all the progress we made so far .
And that breaks that perfect streak , we tend to mix consistency with perfectionism
Thinking the line should be perfect which is not true .
We ignore the law of averages , the progress we make depends on the overall average of our choices , if we did 85 percent good choices and 15 okay choices that is still a progress
We stay stuck in a loop , a cycle of restating and quitting , instead of returning back and continuing to build the momentum .we waste huge energy starting all over again
How to work through it
something is better than nothing mindset
never zero mindset
You basically never let a day pass without doing something no matter how small towards your goals
You missed workout ? do 5 squads and 5 push off today
You ate pizza for lunch ? eat a healthy meal for dinner
Lazy to write a whole page today? Write a sentence
Cant watch course ? watch for five minutes and that’s it
This mindset will help shatter the idea of total success or total failure and will reinforce you as someone who shows up consistently.
self compassion
There are days that we will slip up and that is okay , there will always be tomorrow to start again .
Imagine your friend crying for messing up today thinking they lost all their progress and entering a spiral of negative thoughts you wouldn’t say “yes you are a failure ‘’ , ‘’you lost all your progress ‘’
You would say ‘’it is okay to mess up , it is just one day ‘’, ‘’it is okay just get back on track on the next thing ‘’ so tell that to yourself
Breaking this mentality will take time , you will need patience and grace
focus on the right choice
Move on ,you slipped up okay it is in the past now , I can only look forward
Focus on choosing the right choice next time instead of dwelling on the wrong one which will keep you stuck in the past
The shiny object syndrome
You are working on your goal , it is on longer sparkly or exciting , you are bored , frustrated ,and seeing no progress yet still practicing
Then you get this new idea of a project, different goal or better method , it promises potential and faster way to success , this is the shiny object
It is the tendency to chase new goals on the expense of the old one .
Leaving mountain of uncompleted goals , courses and so on
The reasons this happens is dopamine , When we are pursuing our goals as time passes it gets boring and repetitive
The sound of new ideas and goals seems more exciting and appealing .
It gives us that emotional high that we don’t get it midway unless we made progress and that takes harder work .
It also helps us escape discomfort ,because it gets uncomfortable midway as difficulties emerging,
Fomo (the fear of missing out):, we see someone trying this course, new app or new method and we fear that by sticking to what we are doing we are missing out , what if this new method or path is what will guarantee us success ?
Because of this we end being serial beginners/starters .
We always start a new thing but never complete them to the very end and we get stuck in this loop of quitting and restarting .
We waste resources time energy and possibly money . worse , we destroy our self trust , we show to ourselves that we are unreliable and can’t follow through .
It destroys our confidence in being committed and makes quitting easier the next time things get hard
How to work through it
Write it down
When you get new ideas write down in a notepad or in your phone’s notes app, don’t leave them in your head it will distract you
Give the idea an outlet , then later explore it at the end of the day or better leave it for couple of days the excitement will fade away
Ask yourself
Is it truly a distraction ? not all ideas are bad so ask your self: will this help me get to my goal ? is it align with my long term vision ?
If this idea is actually beneficial and will help you then go ahead but if it will shift your focus from the current goal and makes you restart again then leave it
Set with the discomfort
Usually this syndrome happens because we are bored or faced by a problem , learn to sit with the boredom and face the problem ,learn how to tolerate the discomfort
The path to our goal is not going to be straight or flawless it is going to be bumpy with rocks
Connect with the why
This could happen because we have forgotten the main purpose of this why we do what we do ? connect with that inner motivation
Put boundaries with yourself
We will not ignore every new idea or goal forever but we have to put boundaries with ourselves instead of saying no say not now
You will explore this idea later , use it as an award , after reaching a milestone of finishing a course I will explore this idea
The grass is greener where you water it stop looking at the other side and pour your energy into your own lawn
Fear of failure or success
Fear of failure
This is the most obvious one , it is that self preservation voice that protects us out of fear of failing
Although we don’t really fear failing it is more protecting our selves of public embarrassment and humiliation
So it is the ego’s way of protecting itself , if we stop midway we still have this potential , we tell ourselves I could have if I tried it is more comfortable story than I tried my best and failed , if you never truly finished you never truly fail
Fear of consequences
Fear of people’s reaction , fear if they knew they would laugh at you , humiliate you , or expose you as a fraud , your brain will magnify it and turn it into a catastrophe
The What if loop
what if I failed / I wasted my time / people judged me / my money goes to waste ?
This becomes the perfect excuse for inaction
Fear of success
This is a quieter more surprising fear , because why would we be afraid of success?
Success raises the bar
You will feel this heavy weight of high expectations on you , like you wrote a successful book you will fear that the next one must be better , you get promoted ? you will now have new responsibilities , this expectation will leave you feeling overwhelmed and pressured
Imposter syndrome
The feeling that you are a fraud , the fear that you will get exposed and that you have no idea what you are doing
This can be strong enough motivator to sabotage your progress
Change of identity and friendship
Success will change you , I mean in order to have reached this you must have worked on yourself and adopted this successful version of you ,
Changes are going to happen In your inner circle , you might drop friends because they were jealous of you or no longer aligned with your new version, success might leave you lonely , your subconscious mind will see this as a threat to you and your social circle so it sabotages you as a way of preservation
How to work through it
Change the narrative
With fear of failure
Remind yourself failure is not that big scary thing , it is data to learn from
It gets you one step closer to success , ask yourself what did you do wrong ?how can I adjust?
I remember my first ever interview after graduating I messed up , my resume was all over the place , I didn’t organize to fit the position
I added a lot of irrelevant things and completely forgot to research the company ,I got silently rejected .
However some things happened later that made me thank God I didn’t get accepted , so this job interview wasn’t really a failure , it taught me what to be careful about next time I get an interview ,
Sometimes failure could be a blessing in disguise , when you start spiraling into the what ifs , What if I failed? I will learn from it and get back up , what if people judge me ? people judge either way so do it regardless
Change the way you talk to yourself , literally negotiate with your thoughts logically
With fear of success
Define success in your own terms, success isn’t the same to everyone, write down the fears what if I lost my friends ? then I will find a new tribe , counter each thought you have with a logical one or flip them
Instead of what if I succeed and get more responsibilities flip it to if I succeed I will have more resources and choice , I will have more money and the ability to live the life I want
Focus on the progress , fear of success and failure both hyper fixate on the results , instead focus on the current steps
The fear of failure tells you to stay small to avoid pain Meanwhile fear of success tells you to stay small to avoid change
Both made by the brain to keep you safe but the real growth happens outside of that safe zone
In our journey to growth you will have to be courageous
That doesn’t mean to being fearless but doing it afraid anyway
Overwhelm
You started with a clear vision. You are in the thick of it. Reality sets in, and all of a sudden it feels like a never ending path to reach your goal.
Our brains have limited capacity to hold on to unfinished tasks.
When you overload them with 50 tasks to reach your goal, it creates cognitive load and background anxiety.
Whenever you work on a task, your brain whispers about the other tasks , creating anxiety that you have more to do.
You set a vague goal, like write a book. Your brain sees it as a big, unbreakable task, triggering stress and avoidance.
How to work through it
Use the Next Action Method
When you get overwhelmed, ask yourself: What action do I need to take now?
- Goal: write a blog post
- Next action: open a blank document
- Next action: write the intro
- Next action: write the first paragraph
The task should be small to avoid overwhelm.
Write it down
Free some mental RAM in your brain. When you are working on a task and your brain whispers
Write it down on paper or in a notes app, then look at it later and schedule time for it.
Focus on your progress not outcome
Whenever you focus on the result, you will feel overwhelmed, remembering that you still have a lot to do.
Instead, focus on what you have to do now and how far you already came.
Overwhelm is not a sign of a big, impossible goal
It is a sign of vague planning.
It becomes manageable when you break it down into smaller tasks. Your role is not to look at the top of the mountain but to look at your next footsteps.
The cycle of quitting only continues if you let it. But every time you choose to show up, even in the smallest way, you’re proving to yourself that you can be trusted, that you can keep going, and that you’re capable of building the life you want.
So the next time you feel the slump creeping in, remind yourself: something is always better than nothing, and starting again is never failure